September 5, 2016

A Thought or Two: Feeling Ready

There are changes in life that come along and threaten you - they shake up your foundation and force you to question yourself. These are the kinds of change that everyone calls scary, the kind we allude to when we talk about being creatures of habit that like our routines. I've always been one to feel simultaneously scared and excited for big changes in life - for entering that 'next' phase. Excited because change brings so much opportunity for joy and for happy new experiences; Scared because I don't usually feel ready for the change. The standard mix of emotions, really.

This time around though, I am feeling so ready. I am moving to a new city I've only been to once and starting a Master's degree in a subject I have never studied before. It would be easy to feel scared for all the unknown, that's what I would normally expect, but I feel ready. Maybe it's the many transitions I've made it through in the past that has me more confident that I can do it, maybe it's the strong sense of purpose I feel and that I'm studying something that is exactly the path I want to take, maybe it's an independence and confidence that simply comes with age, maybe it's all of these things! But I feel more ready than ever.

I'm also really excited about my new apartment! My roommate is great, the room is big and bright (with large windows!) and the neighbourhood is so full of beautiful old homes. I'm excited to decorate - though sparsely as it will be a temporary place - and to cook for myself and do my groceries myself (I actually love that) and to live my own way for a little while. I will miss my parents and brother and boyfriend and friends back home, but I will also be commuting home for work on the weekends so I will see them plenty! I also took my first nap in my new place today so - that means it's home for real now, right? ;)

It's odd to feel ready at a time where my past self would feel utterly unprepared. Really nice, of course, but odd. That's not to say I'm not nervous, I definitely feel nervous too, but hardly as much as I feel excited. We will see what happens when I actually dive into school and work and adjusting to a new city all at once, but I'm going to enjoy this unadulterated excitement for now!


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